NEW UNPOSTED POEMS
Oh Lord, I’m filled with
endless fear
My goals are far and seem
unclear
My view is clouded by my
tears
My course I cannot seem to
steer
Reduced, I am, to simpler
thoughts
Then dreams once held and
wants and oughts
Austerity leaves me
distraught
As I absorb life’s lessons
taught
I am, by motionlessness beset
Spending too much time to
fret
Unable, that first step to
get
To rouse myself, move
forward, yet…
Deep within I know exists
The confidence to shake a
fist
At all that daunts me, and
insist
I’ll not be beaten, I will
persist
All that remains for me to do
Is take a tiny step for you
Use the gifts you did imbue
And not complexity construe
To simply be, to work and
live
Return the blessings you did
give
Expect not much, except,
forgive
Myself, my faults outlive
The beauty that I know can be
Isn’t something coming free
Nor a goal to set or see
But product of adversity
I will be born when I survive
The tests of life you did
contrive
In truth I know I’ll not
arrive
Until, myself, I can revive
The future that I want and
need
Is not by any power decreed
But in the growth of my small
seed
Received from breast when I
did feed
All that I will ever be
Lives within the soul of me
And if that life is to be
free
I must find my special key
The sun still shines though
my world’s dark
But I could see that light,
embark
Upon a fuller life, not stark
But first… I must move off my
mark
Walked a while, on the beach
So much out beyond my reach
Sky in turmoil, whirling
light
Shimmering water, what a
sight
Lover’s hand, curled in mine
Sand between her toes so fine
Joy is ours, a simple walk
Time slips by, erased by talk
Something special passes,
binds
Us closer, hearts and minds
Breathing walking being kind
Love does grow, as we unwind
A
strange thing happened as I conversed
Across
the night in rhyme and verse
I
read a message signed by “Nerd”
But
subliminally, “Male” I heard
I
cannot tell you actually why
Foolish
be, for me to try
But
in that subatomic time
Was
born a chauvinistic crime
Why
should intelligence be solely male?
It’s
not my picture, the usual tale
It’s
not the view I hold, in truth
Alas
I’ve not the least excuse
What
ever was I thinking then?
To
see a rooster, where a hen
Our
minds through time have not escaped
From
thoughts were born while still as apes
But
wait, perhaps there does exist
A
different view beyond the mist
Who
would think a woman’s name?
From
“Nerd” would come, without some blame
It
is a term unfeminine
Speaks
of glasses, homely grin
Not
a complimentary phrase
Or
one I’d thought females embrace
Of
course, of late, the world has changed
And
Nerd’s new meaning is arranged
A
studious and brilliant few
Are
billionaires by what they do
Internet,
a world remade
Cast
the rest of us in shade
Gender
is no longer cool
The
time has come for Nerds to rule
Perhaps
I erred in seeing male
Not
serious enough to be in jail
And
Nerd is not zygote specific
Nerdess
for me is more explicit
I
fear the telling of this story
Will
lead to shame and not to glory
The
more I try explain my role,
The
more I dig a deeper hole
In
my defense I need to say
No
slur intended by my way
If
no gender seems to fit
I
surely cannot call you, it
I lay in silence on our bed
As in fear I dare not tread
On subjects intimate, unsaid
Nor try to rouse a love long dead
A prison cell composed of
flesh
Nearby back I
can’t caress
A night too long in deep
distress
Does not, my soul with sleep impress
A scream within my head does
roar
Throw wide the gates I do implore
Bring back the world I knew
before
You
killed the love, was once my core
I cannot bear the closeness
now
That once was valued, sought somehow
Became a nightmare, rejected
vow
And leaves, but tears, upon my brow
Whether free or kept in
chains
From you there’s naught but cold and pains
From bonds that warmed, all
that remains
Is emptiness,… my cup is drained
Who was I before you came?
Before the fog of time erased
The life I knew and then
replaced
It with a me, half you
The years became a time too
long
For me to have a sense at all
Of who and why and how I was
And made of it a dream recall
Happiness, I know, is mine
Yet somewhere deep is
knowledge of
A time of pain and not of
love
Which now exists as soundless
mime
The pain that was endured
before
Has faded slowly, to be sure
Erased, to haunt me nevermore
By you, who found my inner
core
What lies around the corner?
What next for me to do?
What is the challenge I must
meet?
What test must I come
through?
What skills are there to
master?
What wisdom must I seek?
What is the call I wait for?
For which I can’t be weak?
What is the path’s been
chosen?
Of which I have no say?
What cause will I be leader
of?
What danger to defray?
Will tomorrow bring a
spotlight?
Will providence have its say?
Will I acquit the charge I
get?
Will I have my finest day?
Whatever may be coming
I’ve not the slightest fear
Calm, I wait to turn the page
Ready, the call to hear
You have formed, of me, a
picture
Based on logic without
stricture
A contemporary, in your view
Perhaps my words you’ll soon
eschew
I think that I should tell
you now
Although you think me young,
somehow
That I might be your elder,
ow!
And rate a sweeping graceful
bow
For all you know I ancient
are
With cane and limp to venture
far
One hundred fifty years or
more
Perhaps a thousand lived
before
It’s just these new most
modern skins
Constrict my mind as I blend
in
Best the language, acceptance
win
Conceal the truth, my story
spin
Highlander perhaps, what do
you think?
No! I’ve not had much to
drink
I say with smile and crinkled
wink
Or would you rather a cyber
link?
To where? You say but don’t
believe
I know you know what e’er
conceived
Could come to be, you’re not
relieved?
An alien form, Would I
deceive?
How do you know, what you do
know?
It comes in bytes, it
smoothly flows
Could I be close behind you
there?
Or in another galaxy, fair?
What you see is only light
Where I am is out of sight
Or what I am, see your
plight?
Have I instilled a sense of
fright?
Your machine is telling you
That I exist out here in
truth
But what if your machine et
al
Really has the name of HAL
Perhaps your world does not
exist
But only is my sly Matrix
How will you know and then to
fix?
If what I say is real or
tricks
What is the test that you
must try?
To keep you mind from going
awry
Better hurry or bye and bye
We’ll shut the power, the
time draws nigh.
Time has brought you to this
point
Your path has been severe
The tests of life tempered
hard
Bringing answers clear
Motherhood the reason now
Moved you to evolve
Bit by bit your world remade
And painful past dissolved
All are proud, the road you’ve
trod
The distance come, extreme
We wish to celebrate your
birth
We wish you peace serene
Sawdust, mud, flashing lights
A sea of faces share
Fire-eaters, cotton candy,
Speeding rides that scare
Spend a fortune win the
stuffed bear
Laugh and shout, stay late
Leave your worries, leave
your troubles
Leave the world outside the
gate
Parents children boy friends
girlfriends
Squeals of joy and tears
Children begging, this one,
that one
Tickets needed everywhere
Camels walk as wee ones gawk
More attracted by the rides
When the time comes little
brother
Hangs on dearly, won’t abide
Food galore, drinks and ice
cream
Rides that spin around
Children clutching at their
parents
Who give thanks when on the
ground
Music bouncing all around you
Choose your game of chance
Squeeze the trigger, aim the
water
See your chosen horse advance
For a while the night is
shiny
Senses drunk with gaiety
Cost is money, small ones
love it
Price is worth their
boundless glee
In the end when all have
tired
And tickets bought are spent
When stomachs are no longer
wanting
And eyes have peeked in every
tent
Mothers carry sleeping
children
Exhausted as they dream
Knowing that when they awaken
This night will long retain
its gleam
Each of us must choose
between a cell of our own making
Or the cells of others, it is
a matter of choice
To be enslaved by another or
by ourselves
Another’s master or our own
But in the end we are
imprisoned
Only by our own thoughts
Others will burn us for
speaking out
Or we will burn in the hell
of our own inaction
We will suffer for speaking
Or suffer the unspeakable for
not
We must our brother’s keeper
be
Knowing that he is not ours
We must be what we must
Or we will not be at all
Youth believes eternity
Their time on earth will be
Give not thought or study to
Their own mortality
A young girl overnight
becomes
A parent and a mother
Contemplates her growing
child
“Eternity” does smother
Time becomes the enemy
Ego fades away
The truths of life are
evident
Philosophy holds sway
Life begun, has a way
The end, to bring us closer
Changes our perspective, is
The brutal question poser
Children grow and then they
go
Leave parents to their time
Who born again are youths
anew
Enjoying life sublime
Jaded eyes deny the truth
Their
mirror does it too
But limits will destroy the
myth
As
they count their years too few
Each of us in our own time
Comes to terms with this
And understands come what may
We go, though not our wish
Time is not refillable
We cannot use it twice
Every moment counts supreme,
What’s
given, must suffice
Back’s too tight, skimpy
sleeves
Who can wear clothes like
these?
Looked divine on the
mannequin
But I am more than bones and
skin
I am real, imperfect me
Built for life, quite
sturdily
My beauty hewn so naturally
Is not enhanced by what I see
What ever can I find to do?
That will improve my mirror’s
view
Nothing, I will soon conclude
Just inner beauty to exude
Why follow someone else’s
rule
That makes me look so much a
fool
I’ll not be to my body cruel
Simply to be thought of cool
Sometimes at night my friends
join me
From near and far away
We laugh and cry, compare our
words
Our bond is what we say
Called to write, each of us
Our souls, in trust, lay bare
Time and space evaporate
We bond by what we share
Some will call us poets
Some will not agree
But once a word has touched
us deep
The same we’ll never be
Suddenly we’re not alone
Our room is filled and warm
We’re in a crowd accepted
No matter what the form
But if perchance we need to
be
Alone to think or see
We close the door politely
Take refuge in the keys
Each of us must find our own
way.
Must find the path to the
dream, which eventually becomes our reality.
Nothing was ever created by
man that didn’t exist first in his mind.
First the dream,… then life.
Our dreams only remain myth,
if we don’t believe in them.
The screen is bright, the
image sharp
Pixels are at play
Something darker lurks behind
it
Terror of another day
Black on white the words
appear there
Hold me in their grip
Tales unfold, truth
unvarnished
I am transfixed, to where I
sit
Dragged into the river
flowing
I barely stay afloat
To the end I must continue
Expel this lump stuck in my
throat
I watch as grace you
undertake
Returned to better life
Angels, or the hand of God
Something special cured your
strife
Suddenly I am aware
As my heart does pound
This instrument I sit astride
of
Gives much more than light
and sound
I was transported, was a witness
Watched in awe yourself to
find
What once I thought just mere
mechanics
Is a doorway to my mind
You slipped in, by me
unnoticed
Took me for a ride
Before I knew it, I had
traveled
To the darker side
Now I’m back, my head is
spinning
The journey was extreme
To have known you, on the
inside
Was to know a time supreme
I climbed aboard the train of
life
Or rather I should say
I left the terminal of birth
A place I couldn’t stay
I rode the rails throughout
my youth
Ate the fruits carefree
Took a journey advertised
As wonderful for me
But when the station did
arrive
My turn to disembark
All was not as I had dreamed
Uninviting, bleak and stark
No fruit was here for me to
eat
No roof awaited me
No light to pierce the
constant fog
No leaving trains to see
My home, a place that I had
picked
Did not comfort me
The freedom I had fought to
gain
A prison came to be
The train I rode to this far
place
My path through storm and
gale
Was, as I had failed to see
A road called fairytale
Some where across the field
of linen
Asleep in calm repose
My love has traveled far from
me
Though flesh to me is close
I am the soldier chosen to
Defend her life in sleep
Keep safe the place of her
return
Lest the future see me weep
Fisherman, fisherman, on the
shore
Quietly holding pole and more
Do you care if fish you
catch?
Or will you leave it with
dispatch
Fisherman, fisherman, while
you wait
Some poor fish will take your
bait
Torn from water with a jerk
He’ll succumb to your smart
work
Fisherman, fisherman with
your prize
Will your story build its
size?
Will you put it back again
And claim he bested three
strong men?
Or will you try to tell the
truth?
Avoid the tales heard in your
youth
You merely fish to be alone
Enjoy yourself, your
friendship hone
To know what is unknowable
To feel what another feels
To be not me, and me
See what it reveals
To reach beyond my reach
Extend into another
Feel without a touch
Be born of different mother
Escape for just a moment
The cave that is my knowing
Enter to another’s
Feel the thrill of souls
bestowing
Be more than is inside of me
Of which I am but half
Freedom for a moment
Mine forever, I can laugh
I send a poem out in space
Leaves my world without a
trace
Around the globe it makes its
race
Puts on its bravest hopeful
face
Like the nights true shooting
star
It can be seen from quite
afar
Brilliantly it seeks to spar
With any mind, it’s bent,
bizarre
Burning brightly for a while
Hoping for new friends, a smile
Perhaps someone with similar
style
Or just insomniac, with guile
But unlike the meteorite
Which ultimately will lose
it’s light
The words I send into the
night
Remain forever, retain their
might
I promised a poem, woe is me
I’ve not a single word
Ideas, oh gosh, I haven’t any
This all is too absurd
Just a little one, I ask
Nothing very bright
One crummy tiny rhyme to fit
So I can sleep tonight
Have pity on my poet’s soul
Hear my prayer today
On second thought forget I
asked
My mind has gone away.
Beyond your face that
beckoned me
And undreamt pleasures yet to
be
A mind determined to decree
By love eternal, set me free
Our silken cord of love that
binds
Is strong but yet unseen
Wander anywhere I might
I’m returned from where I’ve
been
To know the truth, that
freedom lies
Within the bounds I set
All that I may ever find
Is in the me I’ve met
Freedom is the knowing though
Life may me accost
To break the bonds of love
that tie
Is truly to be lost
Looking back from in the
light
To darkness fought in past
with fright
I cannot see the demons there
But know for sure they’re in
their lair
Tortured journey brought me
here
Out of the pit of deep
despair
Freedom won, long years
achieved
But I am not the least
deceived
Light is now my trusted
friend
Will not to darkness my mind
send
But if per chance when on my
way
I stray too close to even
gray
The fears that ruled my life
return
And call up demons I thought
I’d burned
Into that hell I will not go
So please don’t turn the
light down low
Life has changed, passed you
bye
Robbed the future from your
eye
Made the bed on which you lie
Obscured your dreams, though
hard you tried
Or was it you, that changed,
not life?
Holding fast to pain and
strife
Living for a wish, enticed
By “could have beens”, if
life were nice
Life’s a flower, mostly wild
A seed emerging as a child
Could become a past reviled
Or time of wonder, angst
exiled
Which, shall be the heir of
choice
Despair for long, or joy
rejoiced?
Victim of a sadness foist
Or winner of the pleasure
voiced
Fret not for the path
destroyed
Or entreaties, not employed
Life’s too short to be
annoyed
Or brought down low by goals
decoyed
Lift your eyes to what might
be
If only you yourself could
see
And know the value given thee
Is in the setting others free
Love that is a prisoner held,
Can never bond two souls, and
weld
A fabric strong enough to
quell
The fear that love will soon
be felled
Immerse yourself in who you
are
And not in wishes on a star
Then, will love from near or
far
Approach your door, no longer
barred
It occurred to me today
I may not be, that is to say
I think, but what I feel
May be just digitally real
A user friendly face, put on
A hologram, a con
Perhaps a software redirect
Just bits and bytes, all
neat, correct
An idea hung in space
A past programmed and then
erased
How do I tell if what I see
Is simply input key by key
Is this fear just mind
unbent?
Or am I simply signal sent
Do I exist beyond the power?
Is the scent more bytes, not
flower?
Do I really want to know?
On myself the truth bestow
Does it matter any more?
What the future has in store
Was I born in cyberspace?
Or in His holy stately grace
Is the end electrons gate?
Or a saint’s noviciate
Consciousness is mine
Whether born or by design
Besides, who is to say?
I am not the Lords display
Written in the code
The master did create
The nature of us all…
Programmers imitate
It didn’t seem so long a time
Since last I saw your face
But when finally I did
arrived
I was not in your grace
Lost in sleep, your back
displayed
The covers, invitingly draped
low
The sense of it pervading me
The gifts now not bestowed
A hunger for a dream I didn’t
The warmth I did not know
A distance grown insuperable
In the time I did not go
Next time I know that I must
be
Quicker to respond
Or more than love I’ll miss
again
And stretch a fragile bond
Too fine to ever measure or
See with naked eye
Too strong to underestimate
Though surely many try
Too fragile to withstand the
strain
Of doubt or errant thought
But strong enough to change
your world
If in its spell you’re caught
Sitting beside the now still
waters of my mind
Where once a river of fear
and anxiety ran
I am struck with the knowing
That
this reality is far worse than the fear that began
When
the angel of death lent you his hand
To
see your loss, try to prepare
To
be absorbed, wholly ensnared
To
know your time allotted firm
And
yet not plan, beyond your term
Thought
I had it down and right
Even
learned to sleep at night
Focused
all my thoughts on you
Obscured
my future from my view
Your
comfort was my only goal
Secure
salvation for your soul
Keep
it light, guard my tone
But
now, Oh God! I am alone
Where
are you now to comfort me
As
I am trapped and you are free
I’d
give my future if I could see
Your
face again, not memory be
Your
time was done and you have gone
The
day foreseen and passed,
And
now I am but half I was
And
fear your love, my last
Empty, but wanting
Willing, but unneeded
Loving, not connected
Lost, but still looking
Remembering, unfulfilled
Dreaming, only nightmares
Wishing, for a new past
Filled with, if onlys
Drinking self pity
Drowning the truth
Fearing the future
Denying the root
Anger, your partner
Hunger, your child
Blame, your narcotic
Yourself, you’ve exiled
Tomorrow is yours
Prisoner of self,
Destiny calls you
Climb down from the shelf
Open your eyes, the future
behold
Let someone in, forge a new
role
Return to the living, forget
fears untold
Trust in yourself, dare to
unfold
The call, it did come, one
gray winter’s morn
Cold and dreary, just after
dawn,
A turn for the worse, the
nurse had informed
Come now she had said, in a
voice quite forlorn
Slowly I rose and started to
dress
Carefully shaving, though filled
with distress
Time moved quite slowly, I
must confess
But panic seemed easy for me
to arrest
Hurry, quickly, my love had
implored
Time to waste we just can’t
afford
Holding to routine, I
underscored
The internal signs I hadn’t
ignored
Forty minutes to get to his
bed
Then finding it empty and
filling with dread
I feared not of finding him
lifeless and dead
But living without him, in
the long years ahead
His time filled with illness
had made me prepared
This day would be coming for
the man that I cared
But oh how the pain,
unexpected had seared
The son that he raised was a
child again scared
He knew he was limited, his
heart wouldn’t hold
We knew he had faced it, he’d
never be old
I thought I was ready, the
truth to be told
A myth that exploded as I
missed him to hold
He died all alone in the
hospital dark
He should have been sleeping
but the angels did hark
Slipped from our grasp with
no one to see
Moved on to his freedom, left
memories for me
Sometimes, when dawn has
sleep erased
And darkness is by light
replaced
Kisses on my back are placed
And I, with wondrous love, am
graced
Waking from a time of dreams
Wrapped in angel’s wings, it
seems
I’m carried to another place
Of senses grand and
interlaced
Warm and intimate the tools
That bend my mind to newfound
rules
And make of morning brilliant
jewel
Shape my world, take me to
school
I am compliant, newborn there
Knowing life in form most
rare
Euphoric from the things I’ve
shared
Gifts received from one who
cares
I’ve seen with eyes still
tightly closed
Felt my heart expand, exposed
Opened to receive, engrossed
Found my heaven, in love I
chose
Most the time I write for me
Each word a step inside to
see
Who whispers things so
quietly?
Into my mind with urgency
Knowing not the origin
Of thoughts that I did not
begin
I listen hard, bid them come
in
Help me my role as poet win
I’m not a craftsman, you can
tell
I cannot build a poem well
But I can send one that has
jelled
From things beyond my ken,
upswelled
All in all I’m satisfied
In words and rhyme I’m not
tongue-tied
I do my work with modest
pride
And pass along what’s found
inside
A walk in the park to feel
the breeze
Smell the grass or see the
leaves
A jog around the track for
fun
A game of football, laughingly
won
A ladder to the diving board
Cross a stream on rocks, to
ford
Attend a movie and not be
seen
Be anonymous, not eyed so
mean
To be just normal, another
face
Move not awkward, but with
some grace
Un assisted in life to go
These things I dream, one day
to know
I ask not much, perhaps a
cure
To make my steps, a bit more
sure
Not wealth or fame to me
inure
Just simply be this way,… no
more
Stillness dark, presence felt
Blackness is not empty
Quiet has its own sure voice
I Guard my soul, as sentry
As I wander through life,
I see much to humble me.
Much to make me feel
inadequate.
A blind television repairman
playing piano in a bar.
A bowler with MS who scores
better than I, with all my studied form.
A blind opera singer whose
emotional voice is pure gold.
An Olympic runner, racing to
a line she can’t see, but knowing it is there.
An astrophysicist whose mind
solve riddles I cannot even comprehend,
From a crippled deformed
unusable body.
These hampered souls use more
of what they have then I.
Make better use of what god
gave them then I.
Reaching not to be normal,
but to be more than the mold they were made in.
Relatively, to the stars.
It makes “normal” something
to be ashamed of.
I have spoken out today
Sent a letter on its way
Opined the truths I see hold
sway
A man, his true beliefs
betray
Politics makes strange
demands
Difficult to understand
Harder still forget, remand
That hypocrites will rule the
land
Good men are often torn apart
By those who use ambition’s
art
Used, abused, they’ll only
start
Consumed at end by their
small part
They’ll never be the thing
they dreamed
Too late they’ll find, role
not what seemed
As with the devil they are
teamed
And smiles once worn no
longer beamed
I’d like to say I did my part
By sending words from in my
heart
Grant insight, my view impart
Hope a new beginning start
Likely not, it is my view
Politicians won’t take my cue
To power only, they are true
And trusting them we’ll come
to rue
But quiet, I cannot remain
Indignant, I will not refrain
From speaking out to break
the chain
Of idol worship without gain
If my words have no effect
As I surely could expect
My vote still helps me to
elect
Someone ambition, hasn’t
wrecked
Yesterday came and went
Without a single word
Creativity, abandoned me
Like a winged bird
The poem that I promised you
Didn’t come of age
And I am left unfilled again
Mastered by the page
There was the time my father
left
His heart no longer strong
I sorely grieved his passing
But healed and moved along
But when my mother’s time had
come
And she had ceased to be
The adult that I had thought
I was
Became a child in me
Suddenly alone, I thought
I’m orphaned, if you will
A term reserved for children
But I felt it deeply, still
I want my parents here to
help
I’m not ready to be me
Want someone else to set the
rules
Not sure I like it free
In the great abyss within
It’s easy to get lost
Endless paths to choose or
not
Stroll, or be storm tossed
Every path connects at end
Or middle, if you like
There is no finite journey
here
No direction you can strike
There always is another place
Beyond what you can see
There never is what you
expect
You find what cannot be
It is a place of history
Or not, as is your thought
But round and round your path
might be
When truth is what you’ve
sought
The rules are not inviolate
In fact they aren’t there
It is a world you make
yourself
Whatever you might dare
It is the place you meet your
soul
Come under great attack
But running doesn’t help at
all
As your sight fades out to
black
You cannot chase the one you
were
Too tired you will become
Learn to set a table place
It will increase your sum
All you are, is hiding there
Each face disguised but true
And every thought you ever had
If coaxed, returns to view
It is the home of all you
were
And all you’ll ever be
If you can find your future
there
It will arrive, you’ll see.
The World we know has come to
be
Frenetic, sans tranquility
Newspapers are for wrapping
trash
And bits and bytes are now
our cash
Books reside on disks made
round
Come complete with sights and
sound
And television brings the
news
Unless you use your PC’s
views
Neatly packaged for our use
Pre-digested, unconfused
All so easy, minds unused
To this we all are now
reduced
Imagination not required
Pre-assemble or visual guide
Instructions given four
tongues wide
No one reads them, tossed
aside
Challenge is forgotten word
Mental puzzle?, how absurd
Let another do it first
Murder intellectual thirst
In this time of modern
science
Computers force on us
compliance
To systems for the greater
good
With consequences not
understood
I think that I should use my
mind
And not some silicon gate
refined
Do my thinking, reason well
Create beyond what chips can
tell
The world’s most beautiful
logic tree
Born to each, yes, you and me
Is here to use magnificently
As wondrous as a leafy tree
Keep in shape your thinking
tool
Let no machine make you a
fool
While on this earth you do
your stint
Let not us humans, be out of
print
If you could get inside of me
Would you believe the things
you’d see?
Fear in place of confidence
And chaos reigning, instead
of sense
Poetry that just appears
And soon begets those
unearned cheers
Thoughts that build
themselves for me
As much my doing, as nature’s
tree
The likely scene, that you
would find
Half chewed phrases, like
orange rind
Piles of endings, unfit
rhymes
Beginnings and middles like
silent mimes
Fragments of the yet to be
Trashed attempts, now history
Ego bleeding on the floor
And still the struggle to
finish more
Reason is no longer here
The pen becomes impaling
spear
Killing me each time I try
And end up with my words awry
Insanity the verdict clear
As I grow worse from year to
year
And yet though I am thought a
fool
Write another is my rule
Beyond this endless field of
plays
On words un-groomed and
quatrains splayed
There lives a cruel
taskmaster true
Who rules my life, view by
view
Always the thought, the next
will be
The piece revered eternally
For giving sight none else
could see
And peace to me, my mind set
free
But as I’ve found when even
close
No sooner done, the bliss
erodes
I cannot stand the mess I’ve
made
And give myself a failing
grade
Trapped I am in endless task
Answering questions I wasn’t
asked
Saying things I cannot grasp
Fraying nerves, my words a
rasp
Where will it end? I cannot
see
But surely I will not be free
Of this curse bestowed on me
A lonely voice, eternally
How does one search, within
themselves
Plumb the depths of I
Open doors that don’t exist
Find truths, behind them lie
Light a candle, hold it high
Learn from things unseen
Wander down the corridors
Of places my minds been
A world created in a space
Too small to contemplate
But once inside the view is
vast
Of nothing known, equate
A portal into somewhere
An address that’s yet to be
Old and new create the view
A symbiotic sea
Thoughts congeal, memories
heal
Wounds long raw now close
Answers come, in pictures
some
And bring sweet sleep’s
repose
What is that tremble in my
soul?
An urge so deep, beyond
control
Blowing towards a rocky shoal
A journey to an unknown goal
Somewhere inside I am aware
A thing awakens truly rare
That will, my calmness,
surely tear
Rip from my face the mask I
wear
Just a glimpse, I catch of me
The person I’m about to be
Triggered by the you I see
As my body masters me
Summer shadows new and rare
Fracture views, dissolve in
glare
Remake the landscape rocks
and trees
In brilliant strokes, create
a frieze
That stab my eyes with color
not
Light that isn’t, vacant spot
The dark that forms the edge
of is
Beauty borne of nature, His
Creates a world by things
removed
While jagged forms intrude
unsmoothed
And paint a scene no mortal
could
Instant beauty, understood
Lord of sun and clouds and
rain
Wonders, joy and sometimes,
pain
Grant me leave that I might
see
Good fortune find my progeny
Long have I the struggle
fought
Provide for them, wisdom
sought
Prayed their lives not misery
fraught
Hoped my efforts not, for
naught
Unlike our brothers in the
forest
We are forever bonded
Children and their parents
Who each through time
responded
To ties that last a lifetime
A language yet unlearned
Some are loving memories
Or scars into us burned
Whatever holds us in its grip
Let of love, my children sip
Let your grace upon them
shine
As I give the world, what
once was mine
There was a time I loved him
A time all sweet and bright
And then the war, the killing
Wiped clean his faith in
right
Terror was his life,
Fear his constant friend
If it moved, the enemy
Life and death did blend
Flashes in the night
Screams from pieces left
Too much for any one to bear
He was, of soul, bereft
And then was home, a shadow
man
Nightmares in place of dreams
His stars, the glint of
alcohol
Beyond the bottle’s seams
Trapped between two worlds he
chose
To deaden all his pain
Drug the demon memory
Lest his mind drive him
insane
And I a part of neither world
Nor ever could I be
Chose, in love, to let him go
For his peace, I set him free
Some places barely visible
Some places regal set
Sometimes a thing of beauty
Sometimes where boundaries
met
Sometimes made articulate
Sometimes a simple pile
Sometimes an endless vista
Mile after rolling mile
But written in the placement
there
The tale of lives long gone
The elegance of history
In simple stone is drawn
Suppose the space between us
is
Merely just a concept
Suppose we’re just
assemblages of
The same primordial soup kept
Suppose for just a moment
that
There isn’t any I
Or you or they or anyone
Just combinations tried
That means that I (forgive
the term)
Could be you, in truth
And all the world could fit
inside
My eyelash or my tooth
I know this seems so twisted
Twisted hah! absurd!
But listen for a little while
You might believe my word
You press the key that makes
the letters
You form them into words
And in the time too small to
know
Around the world it girds
You are there, they are here
Together, yet apart
How can you be two places,
hmmm?
Tell me if you’re smart
You read the words that come
to you
Cold science doing work
Then tell me friend about the
feelings
That in your heart do lurk
How can that be? the screen
is cold
Not human, you’d agree
Then where are all the
feelings from?
Don’t tell me they can’t be
Or is it you and I not real?
Atomic force at play
Perhaps one day we’ll step
right through
To cyberspace and stay.
(The Kursk Disaster)
Leaders talk, while sailors
cry
Politics prevents the try
Help does come, bye and bye
Apologies, but they all die
Death came slowly in the tomb
Under water, barely room
Hope destroyed as time did
run
Never more to see the sun
Human, they have ceased to be
Spirits gone, allowed to flee
Slipped their coffin in the
sea
And no one heard their anguished
plea
So many left bereaved, alone
For this crime who will
atone?
Help did come beyond the sea
Now they’re home, sleep
peacefully
Beyond the babble and the
noise
Designer clothes and plastic
toys
There should be values.. not
market ploys
A better future for girls and
boys
We should teach, not abrogate
Spend the time to inculcate
The values good, we love to
hate
Or we shall face a bankrupt
fate
When we are old and wanting
peace
Have left the reins to son or
niece
When our control is gone and
ceased
But our time is not released
Will we then begin to know?
What we reaped we’ll have to
sow
And as with age we all do go
Will our time with sorrow
grow?
Will our memories, give us
mercy?
Wipe from thought all our
regrets
Will we then, in wisdom know?
What we’d rather to forget
Will our end foretell a
future?
That is better than the past
Or a future that is harder
Child of role not proper cast
I would hope we’ll see the
truth
Come full circle in the past
Because what ever we do now
Is what will,… in future last
Tortured feelings in the
night
Afraid the world to tell my
fright
Won’t someone please let in
the light
As I contemplate my plight
All the good that I have done
All the merits earned and won
Somehow are empty, sans the
sun
Grayed the life, so far, I’ve
run
Lonely is a silent place
A prison made of time and
space
Undefined but lacking grace
Whose bars and walls show not
a trace
Locked within I’ve built the
walls
Of deeds and help and heeding
calls
Rushing here and there for
some
But not for me, with feelings
numbed
As much my need, I hesitate
To venture out, no longer
wait
Fear my ego will deflate
Or as in past, to not relate
The core of me needs to be
shared
To find someone whose soul is
bared
Te be for me both care and
cared
And not another web ensnared
To be a partner, is my I task
Allow someone behind my mask
Bestow my beauty, in love’s
light bask
Is that too much for me to
ask?
I never asked a martyr be
Or exile from society
But I’m the jailer, I can see
From inside out will come the
key
Poetry, that irascible,
unfathomable taskmaster tortures me
Throws back my discordant
words in disgust
Each attempt thwarted by
questions of
Why? What do I mean?
And where is the music?
Frustration eats at me like
some voracious beast
Threatening to devour my
thoughts
Before they are even born
And the tools in my hands,
seem woefully inadequate
As I hone my skill with
words, like some mask
To be used on a mannequin
Where is this leading? I ask
of no one,
As empty of word and thought
I clean the slate of my mind,
in surrender
Discovery comes as lightening
Destroying much of what lived
before
Defining the music
Defining the meter of my age
And truth, cuts deep in my
work
Until there is only the
bleeding, pulsing, twitching rhythm of my time.
A voice has traveled far from
where
It started as a whimper
Timeless in its agony
A product of its fears
Echoes through the canyons
dark
A shadow of a scream
Searches for a place to hide
But knows it cannot dream
A nightmare life a twisted
birth
Peace not coming soon
A stranger to itself, it
hides,
Within a painted room
Meets itself on level ground
Likes not what it sees
The journey is not over yet
And so in haste it flees
Nowhere and everywhere
The soul in torment cries
Struggles to forgive itself
To open fearful eyes
And hides within the painted
room
A prison of its making
Halfway home to dignity
Almost, but not partaking
Nymphs and sprites, frogs and
birds
Children in the stream
Rockets flying, baseballs
whizzing
Pancakes steak ice cream
Mini golf, pizza, soccer
Babies cats and fruit
Quite a crowd, lots of toys
Adopt a berry root
Up and down, hills and rocks
Always on the hoof
Missiles flying everywhere
And daddy’s on the roof
Time is rushing time is gone
Stuff the van and go
All we did is eat and play
And love grandchildren so
I drive to work not
remembering the trip…
Thinking of this morning
In between everything…
I remember this morning
Lunch is a blurr, I dream
through the day,
Evening approaches and I am
still…
Thinking of this morning
A day like no other…
Your gift of this morning
Sunday evening here again
Another weekend through
Monday just around the corner
Whatever did I do?
Time I couldn’t wait to see
Vanished without use
No matter how I plan and
scheme
With time there’s never truce
My children in your hands I
thrust
To care and wean for me
The words are living
breathing things
Their lives depend on thee
Each cut, each change each
paraphrase
Each movement so discrete
Kills a tiny piece of me
The price success must meet
We cannot hide from the
mirror of our mind
Can’t color the black and
white of truth, to our liking
Can’t wear a mask for
ourselves to see
Or cloak the frayed edges of
our honor with new cloth
We cannot escape from the
terror of dreams when sleep unlocks the closet
Whose door is that mirror of
our darkest secrets,
Hidden only by our refusal to
see them
But we can fill that darkness
with the light of acceptance
Of who we are
Fill the corners of our fear
with the light of understanding
What we have been is not
prologue to what we will be
But the tempering, for what
we dream to be
(Single Mothers)
Frantic, hurried, never
enough time
When will it end? When is it
mine?
Life is a dash, an instant
cut fine
When will I taste it, know
its sweet wine?
Why must I carry this load
all alone?
What crime did I render?
deserve this great stone?
Why must I vanquish my self,
to atone?
Why must I reap what another
has sown?
Why was I not, given a
choice?
Why have so little, pause to
rejoice?
Why is the villain, the role
on me foist?
Why are my eyes, so
frequently moist?
Why is it my job to be
constantly strong?
Why isn’t help, coming along?
Why must I watch as others
find love?
Why can’t I find a sign from
above?
Why, when I look down the
road that I see
Do I glimpse only children
clutching at me?
Why has my life ceased to be
free?
What is my future,
ultimately?
Where are the medals for
being so good?
For being protector as best
as I could
Where are the thankyou’s for
bringing the food?
For lending an ear, and their
fears understood?
Where is the cup for being a
star?
The plaque for surviving and
getting this far?
Where is the patch that
defines who we are?
Part of an army that’s grown
wide and far?
Who will we be when the job
is all done?
When dragons are slain and
our freedom is won
Would we do it all different,
if time were undone?
Not on the lives of our
daughters and sons.
Unheard voices whisper softly
Secrets kept, beg for my ear
From out of my depth a poem
comes
Quiets the unspoken fears
From where comes the vision,
well beyond sight?
Who gives me the words I’ll
yet understand?
How do I know the things that
I write?
Why do I follow another’s
command?
Is this what I’m here for, my
job to be done?
What is the goal, yet to be
won?
How will I know when my race
has been run?
Will the result, be my time
in the sun?
Am I the craftsman or simply
the tool?
A poet, a prophet or maybe a
fool
What is the reason that I’ve
come to be?
Perhaps be your voice…
expressed finally.
(A Cochiti question)
Why?… seems a simple question
But death the answer writes
Forgive? Perhaps I will in
time
Forget? My memory fights
Grandchild of mine, your
innocence
Disturbs my sleeping pain
The uncle you will never know
Destroyed by wars cruel reign
Cultures clashed, Lives were
lost
Anguish beyond compare
But in the midst of hatred,
grew
An opportunity rare
The miracle of love began
With two who did not hate
And you, my child, are here
to test
The strength of an old man’s
faith
Ask not questions I can’t
answer
Torment me not with love
You are the truth I cannot
face
The olive branch, the dove
And yet you are our future
Through you we can expand
And leave the world our
legacy
Our folklore, rich and grand
Writing poetry is like one of
those vacations where
It takes so long to get in
the mood that by the time you do
It’s time to go home.
It’s like spending three
hours preparing all the fixings
For a thanksgiving meal only
to find
The oven isn’t on
It’s laying out, all over the
living room floor,
Two hundred parts for the “do
it yourself” Entertainment center
To find there are nine, 4
inch long, 8 by 32 fasteners missing
And it’s 11:45 at night.
It’s being sixteen, having
your first heavy date
On Sunday
And the drugstores are closed
It’s sitting in the car, your
first license neatly tucked in your wallet
And nowhere to go
It’s packing up and locking
the car with everything for the trip
To find the keys are inside
It’s finding you need a word
to rhyme with Zorba
At the end of your 227 line
poem
It’s 50 rotten ripped
crumpled half finished attempts
To describe watching your
child sleep
It’s staring out the window
at the rain,
Marvelous lines in your head
And falling asleep
It’s staring out the window
in the morning
With no lines in your head
Trying to remember
It’s having no lines, or
rhymes or anything else in your head
That makes sense
It’s the pen poised to write
Waiting…………..
It’s…dam, it is what it is
And we love the torture
Like a ray of sunshine
leaking
Out of dark and brooding
clouds
Or their silver lining
girding
Backlit darkness as they
shroud
Like the sky that’s clearing
after
Rain and storm have gone away
Brilliant contrasts bringing
promise
That the darkness will not
stay
Like the dawn that pushes
night
Ever softly to the day
Like the daylight through my
window
Keeping shadows all at bay
Like the raindrops falling
gently
On the thirsty flowers found
Like a weary traveler finding
That his eyes behold home
ground
You have brought into my
world
The air I need to breathe
You have cleared out all the
demons
That my fears in past
conceived
You have filled my cup of
longing
With the joy of being free
You have given me the sight
That belief will let me see
You have given me the hand
That is always in my grasp
Provided endless tether
Kept close enough to clasp
You have banished all the
darkness
Filled the world with light
and sun
You have given me the gifts
By my self I hadn’t won
You have made of me a giant
By making me just half
You have made of me a partner
Not the joke, but lasting
laugh
You have built of life a
fortress
And installed us both inside
You have wrapped me in your
love
You have made me more alive
You have made the future
brighter
Then I ever thought would be
You have given me the gift
Of your love eternally
You have taken from my view
Any inkling of an end
As this day begets another
With your hand in mine as
friend
You have made the journey
joyful
You have brought me peace and
calm
I will always walk in
sunlight
If you’ll always take my arm